THE PLIGHT OF WIDOWS IN NIGERIA (PART 1 OF 3) BY DR CHIEMELA NWOSU

In Nigeria today, the plight of widows ranges from immediate relatives and families of deceased husband to members of his community. So there is no one who does not have widows around them. Many widows are suspected or accused by family members of deceased spouse of being the cause of the death of the departed husbands.

In cases of sudden deaths, the wife is the prime suspect since she is the closest person to the husband.  To prove her innocence, she is subjected to all kinds of humiliations by the husband’s community. Sometimes, she is forced to perform ablution (the act of washing oneself) rituals to prove her innocence. She is restricted from going out or made to drink the water used in washing the deceased husband's corpse. Many widows going through these traumatic and horrendous experiences are likely to experience psychological and emotional breakdown. There are a variety of widowhood and traditional grief counseling. It is the most devastating state of life which requires coping capacities and social readjustment to make life better in the society. The death of one’s husband is a devastating change needing socio-structural arrangements to adjust to the new state in life. In Nigerian society, widowhood is a dreadful experience. After the death of the husband, the widow experiences different kinds of sufferings. These however, differ from one culture to the other.

 

In Igbo land for example, on the day of the deceased husband's burial ceremony, his elder sister (Ada) washes the hands of the widow with water and rub them with an unbroken egg which is thrown away into the bush. After this ritual, the widow goes into one month of seclusion without washing her body. The widow is also required to perform purification and ablution rituals. She wears fiber garment and shaves off her hair. At the end of one year of mourning, the widow discards the fiber garment and can re-marry if she so desires. This trauma sets the plight of widows in Igbo land on the litany of woes.

In Yoruba land, a widow is believed to be the property of late husband and so cannot inherit his property. Only children, brothers, and uncles are allowed to inherit the dead person’s property. This exclusion of a widow from the inheritance is a plight of widowhood in Yoruba land which should be addressed in momentarily, although it will be tall order.

The Edo people represented by Esan and Etsako ethic groups, inquires into the cause of the husband's death. They also subject widows to different abuses if they are suspected of being responsible for the husband death. Etsako people consult the oracles after the death of the husband and the widow is forced to swear at a shrine if she is accused of killing the husband. The Esans subject the widow to different mistreatments if she is suspected of killing the husband. In most cases, the widow is forced to drink the water used in washing the legs of the dead husband to prove her innocence. She mourns the husband for seven days in seclusion, eat from unwashed plates, run round the house or farm of the dead husband stark naked in broad day light and wear old clothes during the mourning period. After the mourning period the widow she is inherited either by the first son of the late husband if he was a polygamist or the brother-in-law if monogamist. This becomes a traumatic experience if the widow refuses to re-marry the brother or son of the dead husband chosen for her.

The Delta people, especially the Uhrobos, Isokos and Ndokwas are strict with a widow, especially if she is a prime murder suspect of her husband's death. The Delta people believe that a man can hardly dies a natural death unless someone is be responsible. So, If the widow is suspected to be the killer, serious tortures will be directed towards her and the deceased's property is shared amongst the children and his brothers, while the widow is betrothed to another brother of the late husband. However, if she objects to remarriage within the same family, she is made to refund the bride price paid on her.

The Ndokwa people (Delta State), would inquire into the cause of death of a deceased husband and if the wife is suspected to be responsible, she will be forced to perform certain rituals before the husband is buried. The widow is thrown over the coffin by some strong men up to seven times and if she happens to fall down in the process, it is believed that her hands were involved in the death of the husband.

The Yaba peoples will whisk the widow from her late husband's house to the most elderly man within the family or clan during the mourning period. The widow is guarded by one of the sister-in-laws for forty days during which she is monitored to find out if she is pregnant. The widow will wear one dress throughout this period, bath in the presence of other widows, touch earthenware tripod and cook food for the whole villagers. After this ritual, the widow is allowed to re-marry within the family. But if she objects this demand, she is allowed to go empty handed.

Similarly, in the Tiv society, a woman enters into the family or community of the husband as a worker and bearer of children for the whole ethnic group. She is the wife of the whole community in the cultural sense (that is without other males having sexual intercourse with her, except her legal husband). Even when the husband dies, her marriage in the family still continues.  In some cases, a surrogate or proxy husband is found amongst her husband's brothers to take care of her, help her in the farm and support her in various other ways. Even when the woman becomes a widow, the families try to help her adjust to the new life. Despite that, the widow faces challenges of widowhood. One important thing to note here is that unlike the widower who could not show outward demeanor and expression of loss, grief and sorrows in some situations, the widow can exhibit feelings and actions which show confusion and contemplation due to the sudden departure of her beloved husband.

Sometimes, the widow's shocking experience is recounted over and over again as she searches for her late husband. This results in other symptoms, some of which are the bereaved widow expressing fearful anxiety which soon takes on the parlaying effects on the family. This non-adjustment to stress results in illness that is benumbing; the weeping in bed and hospitalization becomes a daily occurrence, apathy and antipathy, including illness of social collapse, is also noticed. Psychologically too, back pain, muscles cramp, vomiting, lump throat, blurred vision, singing and whispering attitudes, abdominal emptiness, hair loss, tenor voice, day-night-rhythms, feeling of separation from the deceased husband, hallucinations, feelings of guilt, debility, heightened hostility towards other people and restlessness.

Other ailments include tension, jitteriness, hopelessness, persistent, watery eyes, melancholy, attempts to commit suicide and unusual pattern of speech when speaking about the deceased husband. Thus, the plight of widowhood creates a state of mind and behavior characteristics, which can be understood within social-economic structure and social adjustment systems.

Studies have found that the response by biological and distant relatives to assist widows is no longer spontaneous as it used to be. The support system from clubs, associations or civil societies is not there as much. The only noticeable support is mainly moral. Consequently, widows have found it difficult to make the necessary social adjustments. Majority of widows depended on their husbands while they were alive and after their husband's death, they suffer from financial problems which they rate as the number one. Majority of these widows are still mentally attached to their deceased husbands and consequently cannot socially adjust since they are left alone to deal with economic demands and other daily challenges.

 

The social welfare systems are not well equipped to handle these disasters. In part 2, I will discuss the Traditional Methods of Counselling the Bereaved in Nigeria.

 

Compiled by Dr. Chiemela Nwosu - Email: wecare@oasis4u.net

 

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